Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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