We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
