My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
