How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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