i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am available for nakedness
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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