Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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