thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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