I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
