Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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