you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
