Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
