i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i out mim tonsoeep
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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