If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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