the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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