Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She said her name was "party"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
