You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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