I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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