Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
