he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it because I queefed?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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