Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hippo gnu deer
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
