nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
