Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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