just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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