Heybabeimwearingurpanties
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
