i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
