i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
