Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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