He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
