do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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