he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
