I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
