she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
