my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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