He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
