masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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