It's Friday. Sex?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
