im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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