Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
