As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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