drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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