just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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