i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
