you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
