Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
