If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
