so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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