is your mom at the bar?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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