guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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