You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
