At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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