Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
