I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
