All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
