Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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