just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
